i will intercede

your eyes don't shine like they did
"im like an open book" you say
but its difficult to miss
when a friend once smiled so readily
and now it's almost like a chore.

memo

and i cant remember what i wanted to say

and i cant remember what i needed to do

and i cant remember what i had to get to

all i remember is that it was important

puncture

i was told today
"you have those piercing eyes"

i will never see my eyes
the way others do.
only through mirrors.

i am not sure why

i find myself attracted to the outcasts.
the broken.
the sad.
the hurting.
the hardened.
the depressed.
the friendless.
the unloved.
the paranoid.
the ex-addicts.
the ex-prisoners.
the ex-criminals.
the stone hearted.
the ones who rarely smile.
the ones with unreadable eyes.
the ones who won't look me in the eye.
the ones with pain hidden beneath invincibility.
the ones with tenderness behind tough skin.

the ones nobody wants to talk to.
nobody wants to have anything to do with.
those are the ones who catch my interest
and they intrigue me.
and they capture my heart.
and i love them.

until they begin to like me.
and show their own attraction.

feelins

i feel neglected,
so forgotten and alone.
and my smile's not contagious
and my eyes don't shine like they once shone.

or sit

can't stand them

yet cannot tell them

for fear.

this

this one for the way your eyes
are like a rushing river
consuming me

look

if you didnt see me

with your own two eyes

how could you know

what happened

and what didnt?

temper (v.)

i am easily intimidated
quickly defensive
and easily hurt

please do not attack.

keep on

do i have to know what im looking for

in order to find it?

or would i be able to realize it

once i see  it?

sick

sick of understanding
sick of sympathizing
sick of empathizing

sick of living?
No.
sick of living like this.

sleep for a year or two. or two thousand.

i felt like that at one point.
i just wanted to sleep as long as possible,
until the whole nightmare was over.
but i wasnt allowed to, so i plowed on.

its been more than 3 years now.
most days i cannot even remember why
i was so sad and depressed back then.
it gets better with time.
maybe so slowly that youd
rather rip your heart out than wait.
maybe with so much time that you
would do anything to make the seconds
feel like seconds instead of years.
but it does get better.

im proof.

You are constantly surrounded by beautiful things. You don't need someone to put it in a frame for you and say "Look, this is beautiful."

You just need to pay attention.
- i wrote this for you


or you could just carry a frame around with you everywhere you go.  always look through it. that way, everything will be framed and beautiful.
-me, Someone.

and i cant shake the shadows.
i would escape them
but the worst part is
they only exist in the corners of my mind
only manifest on the insides of my eyelids

i haven't forgotten how to cry.
i've just forgotten how to use the ability.
i've gotten tougher

i've become like a stone.

unsaid

all the things i can't say there,
i will say here.

bfE

you can slap me when i stop caring.

me, ill just smile.

because i know youll never slap me

not for that reason.

we were friends once.
we can be friends again.

just know
it will be a different friendship
this time around.

.you broke my heart

i want to know what causes intense fear.

the way we talk

everyone always has something for "easier said than done"
but what about things that are easier done than said?

a personal philosophy:

if you like something about someone, tell them.

even if they are a stranger.

especially if they are a stranger.

you never know,

you might make their day.

i'm so glad you found this.
it was meant to be read by you.


these are my thoughts
directed at you.